


Silver Lance

by YsaX64



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack, Dick Jokes, F/M, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YsaX64/pseuds/YsaX64
Summary: She should have noticed it a long time ago.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Silver Lance

**Author's Note:**

> This was all in good fun as I found this particular scenario to be hilarious. Don't take it too seriously, I certainly don't.

There was this underlying expectation that a big penis was a good penis.

Like many ideas that are ingrained in one's mind, Edelgard didn't think too much about it. It was a fact of life, just like young horses have nice teeth and roses are red.

Perhaps that was why she didn't think too much about it when she was younger and caught a glimpse of Hubert's prick when she opened his door without knocking. Shame, yes, the kind of shame of awkward situations, but it was no harder than to pretend that she didn't see the way he fidgeted with his legs at times or didn't notice the outline of his dick because of a poorly timed boner. Pure courtesy.

It wasn't until the Academy, however, that she noticed that maybe there was something odd with Hubert.

During the first time the sauna opened to students, the girls were the first one to use it – Edelgard never found it much of a thrill, everyone always left too soon – and the boys followed soon after. Hubert, as always, had been the first one out, red head-to-toe. That much wasn't unexpected. Edelgard wouldn't even bother to remember the event if not for the way Caspar stared at him on the way out and looked down to his own legs then back to Hubert with a kicked puppy face. Or the way Sylvain patted Hubert's back with the widest grin on his face.

"Be careful with that silver lance, it might kill someone."

Even then, Edelgard really wouldn't have given it much of a thought, if not for the hunched over way Hubert walked around during the rest of the day. Or the fact that she'd had to make a case as to why slipping poison on Sylvain's meal was counterproductive.

Later, Sylvain only made his case worse by having fits of laughter every time Hubert went to lance training under the professor's orders. After that, Edelgard half-suspected that Sylvain's sudden indispositions mid-battle weren't due to natural causes, but, at that point, not even she could defend him.

Regardless of the myriad of awkward situations that should have indicated that something was really odd with Hubert's dick, it would be only years later until she understood what had happened. 

* * *

His hands were all over her body. Touching, rubbing, sort of aimless, sort of needy, the kind of thing that teenagers did. Edelgard couldn't care less, not when she was lying in bed with the man she had fallen in love with. If the world's injustice didn't give her time to be a fumbling teenager during the right period, then she would happily embrace it ten years later. Not like Hubert was doing any better. 

Heated, this ferocious mating dance of sorts, a tumble of legs and half-dressed bodies. His chest, she explored it with her hands, her mouth, her tongue, this sheer delight in how he responded eagerly to even the smallest of touches. Her hands wandered lower still, enjoying the tautness of his stomach, the way he whimpered as she left all sorts of love bites and reddish hickeys along his body.

Pulled her closer, he was panting, excited for this, all of it, but she still wanted more, this insatiable desire. Her hand found the trail of dark hair just below his navel, her thumb hooked on the waistband of his–

And Hubert stilled, frozen in place.

Edelgard's eyes darted back to him. What was it? Was there something wrong? Did she do something wrong?

"I…" he trailed off, averting his eyes with a sigh. His cheeks were a bright shade of pink, but it was hard to tell if it was just because of arousal. She leaned back, he did the same, locked in a stalemate of tension. It was a rare situation, strange thing between two persons who knew each other all too well. It lasted only a few moments, however, before Hubert managed to form a phrase. 

"I might hurt you."

Oh? Was this what he feared? She let out a laugh, half-relief, and half-amusement.

"There is no need for such a thing. Neither of us is that inexperienced, as far as I'm aware."

Granted, she wasn't aware of much of Hubert's sexual escapades, but Edelgard was fairly sure she wasn't his first. The way he bit his bottom lip in response confirmed her ideas.

"It's just…" he grumbled something intelligible. Her thumb stayed firm on his waistband, not going any further but not pulling away either. Hubert grimaced and suddenly he was red from his collarbone all the way up to the tip of his ears. "You are a petite woman, my lady."

She shook her head, not taking seriously Hubert's worries in the slightest. After all, she knew all too well that he could be a little too prudent at times. Even if his comment on her stature was true, it was not like she couldn't take it. If the marks she left on him were anything to go by, Edelgard wasn't in a gentle mood.

"Hubert," she whispered, placing a kiss on his collarbone, near a pretty mark of her teeth. "It's all right. No need for worries, not right now."

Edelgard wanted to see as he shivered as she touched him, caress his cock through the fabric, feel him under her palm. Foolish desires born out of impulsiveness – which she would happily trade for his comfort if he truly didn't wish to continue – but at least she could tell that Hubert shared her feelings, if only for the way that he sighed as he relented.

"I suppose there was no hope that I'd deny you to begin with. I just hope that you will pardon any…" he trailed off, words stuck on his throat but he made up for it with a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "Inadequacies."

Edelgard did not answer, sliding down his pants enough to get a hold of his cock. In order to soothe him, her face was buried in the crook of his neck, peppering featherlike kisses. Her fingers curled around him–

"Ah. I see it now."

She could almost feel as he cringed.

"Yes."

"That's a bit too much."

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/Comments/Feedback are always appreciated!!!


End file.
